I miss you dad....everyday.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Monday, April 16, 2012
2 long months
Hey dad,
Sorry I havent written in a while. I want to hear you respond to me. I am having a lot of trouble there. Chris got me the best birthday gift ever. He found the tape of our wedding and put it on the computer so I can hear it all the time. If I can figure it out I will put it up here to share with the world.
I try and talk to you in my head and it just isnt the same. I think the typing it out is more therapudic to me. I have been having a lot of conflict about you leaving the past bit. We turned in your truck and that made everything seem so final. That was the last bit of your business I had to deal with. It was so hard. I am also having trouble with the fact that Chris' parents are coming home. I wouldnt say I resent him or his parents but I am definitely jealous.
We have been seeing a really great counselor together and she has tried to get me to understand a lot of things that my brain knows but my heart has a hard time accepting. I have even said a lot of these things out loud to a friend of mine who recently lost her mom. I can say them and I can know them in my own mind but I sure dont believe them. I hope my friend is doing ok. I know I think I am crazy for the way I feel sometimes.
I have been plugging along at work and starting to get back to normal. It helps that it is now spring and all the spring flowers are out. Guess what dad???? Jim has only 0.50 credits before he graduates! I know he has probably told you this already. I have been trying to make sure I keep in contact with all my brothers. Its kinda hard because we all have such different schedules, but we make it work.
I miss you so much. I want to hear your response to me tending to orchids and finally having some interest in gardening. I want to tell you about how we are thinking about moving. I have told you most of this stuff but it is your witty responses I keep waiting for.
Thanks for being my dad and teaching me what kind of person to be. I miss you.
Sorry I havent written in a while. I want to hear you respond to me. I am having a lot of trouble there. Chris got me the best birthday gift ever. He found the tape of our wedding and put it on the computer so I can hear it all the time. If I can figure it out I will put it up here to share with the world.
I try and talk to you in my head and it just isnt the same. I think the typing it out is more therapudic to me. I have been having a lot of conflict about you leaving the past bit. We turned in your truck and that made everything seem so final. That was the last bit of your business I had to deal with. It was so hard. I am also having trouble with the fact that Chris' parents are coming home. I wouldnt say I resent him or his parents but I am definitely jealous.
We have been seeing a really great counselor together and she has tried to get me to understand a lot of things that my brain knows but my heart has a hard time accepting. I have even said a lot of these things out loud to a friend of mine who recently lost her mom. I can say them and I can know them in my own mind but I sure dont believe them. I hope my friend is doing ok. I know I think I am crazy for the way I feel sometimes.
I have been plugging along at work and starting to get back to normal. It helps that it is now spring and all the spring flowers are out. Guess what dad???? Jim has only 0.50 credits before he graduates! I know he has probably told you this already. I have been trying to make sure I keep in contact with all my brothers. Its kinda hard because we all have such different schedules, but we make it work.
I miss you so much. I want to hear your response to me tending to orchids and finally having some interest in gardening. I want to tell you about how we are thinking about moving. I have told you most of this stuff but it is your witty responses I keep waiting for.
Thanks for being my dad and teaching me what kind of person to be. I miss you.
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