Hey pops.
Last night Chris and I went to dinner with Jeremiah and Skye....we went to that Mexican place on 33rd that you liked to go sometimes with us. I kept telling Chris on the way there that I kept hoping you would be there because I wanted to show you my new tattoo. Yep, me the un-tattooed one of the family finally took the plunge. It was on a whim and I don't regret it in the least.
I think Jim had his moment that I had last week and I am really sad for him yet happy at the same time. After I had my breakdown and hit the bottom, I couldn't go anywhere but up and I have. I still feel bad that Jim had to go through the same thing I did because I sure can understand how hard it was. I miss you a lot and I am doing a lot better. I am readying myself to go back to work and working toward normal. Well, I better go get something done today....I haven't been very productive.
Ang
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
23 days later......
Dad,
We need to talk. I finally finally understood last night that you are really REALLY gone and you are never EVER coming back. Why did it take me 23 days to realize this? I consider myself a pretty smart person. Oh that's right, my brain disconnected itself from my heart and those two really don't talk much anymore. I cried the ugliest, sobbiest, most physical cry last night for 45 mins. Its hard for me that it took me so long to understand.....but in that moment I also came to understand that I know and am processing what is going on and I now need a plan to move on and up. You wouldn't want me sitting here in my sad sack state with my cat and my blanket. I am going to keep going. I am going to be OK......even though right now I don't believe it. Through the help of Erin and Chris I am going to get some normalcy back in my life.....get a routine going. Dad, you can interrupt at anytime, I have some leeway. You want me getting on with my life and you want what is the best for all of us. I can do this. I can do this. Its going to be hard....but I CAN do this. I miss you more and more each day, but no more sad sackin' this.
I love you Dad.
Ang
We need to talk. I finally finally understood last night that you are really REALLY gone and you are never EVER coming back. Why did it take me 23 days to realize this? I consider myself a pretty smart person. Oh that's right, my brain disconnected itself from my heart and those two really don't talk much anymore. I cried the ugliest, sobbiest, most physical cry last night for 45 mins. Its hard for me that it took me so long to understand.....but in that moment I also came to understand that I know and am processing what is going on and I now need a plan to move on and up. You wouldn't want me sitting here in my sad sack state with my cat and my blanket. I am going to keep going. I am going to be OK......even though right now I don't believe it. Through the help of Erin and Chris I am going to get some normalcy back in my life.....get a routine going. Dad, you can interrupt at anytime, I have some leeway. You want me getting on with my life and you want what is the best for all of us. I can do this. I can do this. Its going to be hard....but I CAN do this. I miss you more and more each day, but no more sad sackin' this.
I love you Dad.
Ang
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