Dad,
We need to talk. I finally finally understood last night that you are really REALLY gone and you are never EVER coming back. Why did it take me 23 days to realize this? I consider myself a pretty smart person. Oh that's right, my brain disconnected itself from my heart and those two really don't talk much anymore. I cried the ugliest, sobbiest, most physical cry last night for 45 mins. Its hard for me that it took me so long to understand.....but in that moment I also came to understand that I know and am processing what is going on and I now need a plan to move on and up. You wouldn't want me sitting here in my sad sack state with my cat and my blanket. I am going to keep going. I am going to be OK......even though right now I don't believe it. Through the help of Erin and Chris I am going to get some normalcy back in my life.....get a routine going. Dad, you can interrupt at anytime, I have some leeway. You want me getting on with my life and you want what is the best for all of us. I can do this. I can do this. Its going to be hard....but I CAN do this. I miss you more and more each day, but no more sad sackin' this.
I love you Dad.
Ang
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